I’m writting this out of the numb head I have now, after another day of tedious and consuming pain, created by my *endo and *adeno, stage IV. No meds kicked in, once again, I’ve burned out my belly with my heating pad, once more… and only falling asleep can make me get away for a while from all of it.
Though I might seem well, I look happy when I’m pain free, (I am!) I can’t explain how devastating this pain is when it strikes, and that’s way too often. Starting the day this way, looses meaning, no strength, no energy to accomplish any plans you already made. A huge swollen belly is filled with all this consuming pain.

I don’t want anybody to feel sorry for me, I’m not a whining delicate woman, I’m just filled up with a rage that I must put out there, for all the responsable professionals to study and research on this matter of health.

My pain has stopped, six hours later, and I’m useless. I’m supposed to catch up fast with all the work I haven’t been able to do this morning, but I have no beat left for it, I honestly don’t. I’ve been bearing with this for several days in a row now. 

I’m not depressed, I’m not in my period, I’m not weak, instead, I’m stronger every day for being able to live my life in spite of my ‘normal’ issues (doctor words). One day all of this will end, I’ll remove all my reproductive organs in order to live a kind of ‘normal’ life, though nobody asures, the pain will leave. 

Still, I’m battling for taking care of my only home, my sick beautiful body, and trying to find answers while I struggle with my strength every day. I’ve become a fighter, someday though, I’d like to feel like a free survivor and not fighting anymore… 

I’m mad, (the pain has come back), I don’t really know at whom yet… I know, many girls have taken their lives due to this unknown and yet spread illness. Other have many other illnesses masked with endo, spreading along their bodies confusing the symptoms. Many of us have given up our dreams, reformulating our whole life without anybody noticing it. We are tired of speaking about something that consumes so much time, life, and energy from us, but we also need to know that there are more women understanding every word I’m writing here. 

I demand research, investigation, knowledge, patience, recognition and love.